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Local News |
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| Young mom to youths having sex: Don't |
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| By Erica Kritt, Times Staff Writer |
Sunday, September 23, 2007 |
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Dylan Slagle/Staff Photo
Josh and Nicki Stewart take a walk with their daughter Avery, 16 months, behind Nicki’s parents’ house near Uniontown Sept. 9. The Stewarts, both 18, met during Bible school in fifth grade and were married in May.
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UNION BRIDGE — Nicki Stewart, 18, has some advice for teenagers thinking about having sex.
“Use protection or don’t do it. Don’t put yourself in that position,” Nicki said.
The position she’s referring to is being pregnant while still in high school. Suffering the stomach pains of morning sickness. Trying to keep the swelling in her feet down. Avoiding the embarrassing stares of classmates.
She was in this position a little over a year ago.
On Sept. 11, 2005, Nicki, then 16, found out she was pregnant.
After dating for a couple of months, Nicki and her boyfriend, Josh Stewart, began having sex.
“Our parents are both very Christian families and raised us that we should not have sex until we were married,” Nicki said, “and basically we didn’t do that.”
Nicki did not want to go on birth control, fearing her mom would find out she was having sex.
Nicki and Josh were having sex without contraception. Nicki said she didn’t think she could get pregnant a week after her period.
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Both Nicki and Josh said there was no form of education in school that would have stopped them from having sex.
The couple both graduated from Francis Scott Key High School in May.
“[School] did a fine job; we just didn’t listen,” Nicki said.
Josh and Nicki agreed that among teenagers, sex is both normal and prevalent in high school.
“There is definitely that thought process of ‘Oh, everybody else is doing it,’” Nicki said.
Although religious, Nicki said that when she and Josh started to fool around, she stopped reading her Bible. “I kind of made a deal with God in my mind: ‘I’m already going to marry him, so it’s OK if I have sex with him now,’” Nicki said. Nicki tries to make time to read her Bible now, and attends church with her family.
Risks and consequences
Nicki said she regrets getting pregnant so young, but now that she and Josh are the parents of a baby girl, Avery, born in April 2006, they look to the positives.
Josh and Nicki married the weekend after their prom, just weeks after Avery was born.
Nicki said she understood that having Avery so young makes it harder for her to get a college degree and live the life she had planned — but not impossible.
“For us it was college, marriage, then kids, but it just kind of reversed the order and sped up the timing,” Nicki said.
Josh added, “We would have loved to push it back a few years, but now that she’s here, we couldn’t imagine it without her.”
Nicki and Josh said they are grateful that their parents have been so understanding. With their support, both Nicki and Josh were able to complete their high school degrees.
At first Nicki’s mom Laurie Beardsley said she was in shock.
“The first probably 20 minutes was, ‘Oh, wow,’” Beardsley said. “I was a horrible teenager until I found my faith. How can I judge her?”
After their parents found out, a meeting with all the family members was held, Nicki said. And Nicki and Josh were told they were still expected to finish school and go on to college.
“I had toyed with the idea of not going to school. I was going to do home school, because I was just scared, embarrassed, everything like that,” Nicki said. Beardsley said she wanted her daughter to go to school, but she and her husband let Nicki choose.
“We were very proud of her [for staying in school]. We knew it would be tough,” Beardsley said.
While Nicki was pregnant, Beardsley and her husband wouldn’t allow Josh and Nicki to share a bedroom.
Beardsley said she stuck to her morals, because she didn’t want Nicki’s younger sisters to think this was an acceptable behavior.
“My mom had said you cannot … ‘We don’t want any more grandchildren,’” Nicki said.
Nicki stayed in school up until she gave birth, returning three weeks later.
For Josh and Nicki’s senior year at Francis Scott Key High School in Uniontown, their parents supported the pair by taking care of the baby, even allowing both Nicki and Josh to participate in after-school sports.
Beardsley, an athlete herself, said she didn’t want Nicki to feel like she had to give up sports.
“Josh played football and lacrosse because both sets of parents said ‘You know, you are never going to play these sports again in your life. You might as well [do it]. We’ll help you,’” Nicki said. Nicki played soccer.
Beardsley took care of Avery while the two young parents were at school. She quit her job as a substitute teacher.
“Financially, we took a big hit for me to stay home, but this was way more important,” Beardsley said.
Josh’s parents also spent time with Avery.
Nicki said the hardest thing about her senior year was not being home enough with Avery.
Josh spent his senior year with little sleep. During football season, he would wake up at 6 in the morning to spend time with Avery and then go to school and football practice. Josh estimated that most nights he wasn’t in bed until 2 or 3 a.m., after completing his homework. He still managed to graduate in the top 20 percent of his class.
Nicki said she also lacked sleep for a period after going back to school. Nicki would get up with Avery around the clock for feedings.
Throughout the sleep-deprived nights and busy schedules, Nicki’s mom offered her support.
“She said ‘Well, you can get me up if you need me to. I have no problem helping you,’” Nicki said, but she tried not to rely too heavily on her mother.
The Carroll County Family Support Center conducted a weekly support group at FSK, where pregnant girls and teenage parents could discuss their situation. The Family Support Center, part of Human Services Programs, provides support and education to parents of children under 3 years old in the county. “I loved going to the support group, talking about my pregnancy and everything,” Nicki said.
Nicki said nine others were in the group with her, and they were a diverse set of girls.
“Some people teased me, that I was one of the popular girls to get pregnant. I don’t consider myself popular; I just know that I played sports and that’s how people knew me. A bunch of these other girls didn’t play sports, didn’t do anything, did the whole partying scene,” Nicki said.
Just because Nicki and Josh are young, people think they will be carefree with Avery, they said. But, Nicki is intent that Avery does not repeat her mistake.
“We are trying to teach her things. We are teaching her manners. I mean, we are not just going to say, ‘Go ahead, raise yourself, do whatever,’” Nicki said.
Bringing up Avery
Josh started college at Messiah College in Grantham, Pa., last month and Josh, Nicki and Avery have moved closer to Messiah to live at Josh’s grandparents’ house in Gettysburg.
Josh is studying engineering.
“I don’t really need my degree for my career,” Nicki said.
In high school, Nicki studied cosmetology and currently works as a hairdresser.
“I would like to eventually get my business degree, just to say that I have that and I did do some college,” Nicki said.
Nicki said taking classes at the community college near Messiah was too expensive, so for this semester she is taking time off to figure out when and how she can continue her education.
“There is that misconception that teen parents don’t know what they’re doing, but in reality we can do as good of a job as anybody else; we just may not have the funds to do it,” Nicki said.
Nicki and Josh rely on family and social services like Women Infants and Children, a nutrition program.
Though they receive help, Nicki said she and Josh can still take care of Avery; it was just a change of their plans.
Reach staff writer Erica Kritt at 410-857-7876 or erica.kritt@carrollcountytimes.com.
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Kristy Montana wrote on Oct 3, 2007 10:46 AM: